伴變 - a song from William So...it's really what i feel now

作曲:雷頌德 作詞:黃偉文 監製/編曲:雷頌德

任我想 我亦未曾想過 早上岸獲救的我 會突然重墮這冰河
愛是極親密而生疏 可以化為神仙 可以變作惡魔
一心兩極哪到我揣摩
負我的怎會殺我 怎會變作我的終極大禍
你從前還曾經拯救過我 是否我信仰的都背棄我
快樂後患大多 這段路給了我很多
這段路走到最終竟然毀了我
這段路走到最終反而傷透我
事過境遷亦難以負荷
同眠的你 為何揮刀刺我
同行的你 為何都關涉我
當天若真正愛過 怎會變作我的終極大禍
你從前還曾經親吻過我 是否我信仰的都背棄我
願這歌 記下舊時的錯 不要像被騙的我 信任誰能為我掌舵
記住愛比恨難捉摸 可以化為童話 可以變作挽歌 這點領會晚了有幾多

梁繼璋給兒子的信

看了梁繼璋給兒子的信, 感覺有點灰和negative, 縱然大部份都是現實. 我份人一向都悲觀, 但是我也只能同意50%. 我覺得為人父母應該多一點鼓勵孩子, 給他們多些正面和健康的訊息, 他們才可以健康快樂成長.

我最同意的一句是: "對你不好的人，你不要太介懷，在你一生中，沒有人有義務要對你好，除了我和你媽媽...". 我到現在還在學習不要介懷對我不好的人, 想深一層, 實在不應為一些對自己不好的人唔開心和浪費精神時間. 倒不如放多些時間和心思在你愛及愛你的人身上.

我的Benjie仔眨眼間快4個月大了, 我雖然经歷了很多不如意的人和事, 但每當我見到Benjie仔, 什麼不開心都抛諸腦後了. 他真的很乖, 2個月大戒掉夜奶, 3個月大自己睡自己的牀, 現在很令人歡喜, 表情多多, 很愛笑也肥嘟嘟, 我真的很感恩! 偶然我把他抱着的時候, 他很自然的把頭轉向我身想吮奶...哈哈! 現在當然沒有breastfeeding, 他便會轉向我手臂吮, 很可愛呢! Breastfeeding is really good 但是真的很辛苦和壓力大. 若果我是一個全職媽咪, 我一定繼續堅持 breastfeeding. Anyway, 我已很感恩自己都做到一個月 breastfeeding, 好滿足了!

I don't understand

I am waiting to see baby fung arrives next Monday and I am glad I have gone through the tough time and settled down now. I know I should maintain a peaceful mind to welcome my baby...but I just don't understand some people can say something bad to you while you are pregnant who is so rude. I think in this world only she can do this to her family.

Today I received a call from HER, she said her friend has sent me a baby gift since she is a very good friend to that person, blah blah blah - it's a brand new baby bedding set. She asked me to pick it up from her these few days, however I am not able to go too far away to pick it up and told her that she can leave it there later as I currently have baby bedding sheets to use, so it's not urgent to pick it up. However, she suddenly said "oh it's a very pretty gift!", I replied "oh really? i also have some nice ones that i can use it at the moment", then she said "If you already have the bedding available, then you don't need it and I shall use it for my own...", I felt so frustrated when she said that...what the hell she can use the baby bedding for her own as she is an adult??? And what's her intention to say this to me, if someone sent a gift to me and she can take it home??? My hubby said she is mad at me and that's why she says this...which I agreed totally as she used to do this to me.

I just have no idea...so i replied "ok, if you think the gift is suitable to you, u go ahead!" and I hang up the phone. My hubby told me not to take it so seriously as we know she always acts like that. However, to me, I think if she is my family, how could she say this to me now? When she says this, has she ever think of my feelings??? no I don't think she will and she will never try to understand other's feelings, she remains selfish as usual. I am disappointed to her behaviours again, so odd.

感覺不良好

還有4個星期BB要出世了, 我並不像大部份的準媽媽一樣正預備BB需要的用品, 我的丈夫還沒有跟我去為BB買日用品, 更不用想像準父母開開心心去購BB用品的圖畫發生在我身上. 每次都是我自己一個去為BB預備BB用品, 在店裏, 只有我自己一個人在逛...當自己一個人走在路上, 上班下班, 回家自己預備一個人的晚飯, 好靜好寂靜. 有時候我會跟在肚裏的BB說話, 跟他說媽媽是會很愛鍚他, 媽媽要學會堅強, 媽媽會好好照顧他, 媽媽不會容易不快樂...

我問"可以早些回來陪我嗎? 我覺得很大壓力很不快樂..."; 電話另一面回答"盡量吧!"
我說"我現在很depress", 電話另一面說"你要自己克服這些負面思想, 好嗎?我也夠煩惱和壓力..."
我問"我不快樂可以跟誰說?", 另一半? 不, 他是不會明白還認為係很煩; 父母? 不, 不想他們太担心; 好朋友, 他們是很好的聆聽者很好的支持, 但也會愛莫能助; 神? 是的, 唯一可以跟神去傾訴, 然後...
我還要問為什麼, 為什麼是我?

Now you have no choice

Now it's confirmed you have no choice, you have no right to voice your opinion, or even your feelings. If you say anything or struggle, you are WRONG and you are BAD. You have no right to have any feelings. You are certified dead! How do u feel now? Can only feel dead? No hope? oh, there is no feeling now. Tears? Yes, before you really lose your last breathe.

Why feel sorrow? Why tears? Why? May be when you can only see dead end, no hope at all. That's desparate enough. Yes, I am dead.

人生如此

為什麼有些人選擇逃避問題? 那麼你又可以逃避到何年何月? 問題still exist. Or worse, 問題只會越滾越大. 為什麼你不嘗試去靜靜的去聆聽別人的感受? 只需要spare 幾分鐘, 可以嗎? 如果你每一次也要求別人要在好的timing才可和你解决問題, 那麼別人一定要是你肚裏的一條蟲, 要不然, 這一生一世也沒有好的timing跟你好好的談, 這是多麽的可惜和可悲!

既然你選擇繼續逃避, 我唯有做可以令自己舒服一點的事情來調節, 那時候請不要責怪我! 我是被迫沒有選擇的.

新年願望

今天是2009年新的一日, 大清早和公公婆婆, 姨媽和表妹喝早茶, 好開心. 婆婆今天心情和胃口也特別好. 新年願望家人身體健康, 特別是公公和婆婆最重要, 我亦很珍惜每次跟他們相聚的時間. 每星期我必定分別自己的時間去看看他們.

另一個新年願望是Baby Fung健康順利出世, 還有四個月這個小生命便臨到這個花花世界. 我真的很期待他的來臨. 他的每一個胎動我也感到生命的奇妙;每一次看到電视節目裏BB出世的環節也會感動流淚. 現在家裏巳添了少量初生BB的衫仔, 今天我把它們一件一件的拿出來看. 我可以想像Baby Fung快要穿上這一件件又cute又細細的BB衫, 突出胖胖的小肚腩, 一節節胖胖的手脚在郁動便很開心興奮!!希望自己同老公都可以做個好爸爸媽媽啦. 努力!